


Kei's Journal

by Izzy2004



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, Cheating, M/M, POV First Person, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-28 02:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10821765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzy2004/pseuds/Izzy2004
Summary: Tsukki is cheating on yamaguchi. Kuroo is cheating on kenma.





	1. The beginning

**Tsukki- 3/20/17**  
I always expected kuroo around 4am, he always texted around that time. I knew that he had been drinking, every single time he came over he smelled of alcohol. This cycle never ends, It’s like it’s on constant repeat. He’s always telling me he’s still in love and that’s always my cue to kick him out. I always say goodbye, but I hate goodbyes. It always seems to surprise him when I kick him out. I don’t know why it’s always like this. People always come into his life and he forgets about me for a while. I don’t know why I feel so low, he always hurt’s me more than he know’s. He drives me crazy, he’s the only thing I think about lately. I always feel like I’m fading without him.  
**Tsukki 3/26/17**  
I knew that I was drunk and probably shouldn’t have said that, but I don’t know him any more. It feels so good when I closed that door, I never knew that we’d get so far. I never knew it would be this hard, but I guess everything has to fall apart. The thing is I don’t want to bring it back together. We were just hurting each other and our partners, Kenma and yamaguchi. It was always gonna end like this, what did I expect. We could never be together, the moment he told me he was in love I vanished. I couldn’t hurt them anymore, we will continue on our lives without going behind people’s back.  
**Tsukki 3/27/17**  
No matter how much I repeat that last part to myself if he were to come over and tell me he loves me one more time, I think i’d go with him . I love yamaguchi, just not how I used too. Being in love with kuroo feels like being suffocated, it makes me so crazy. I need that, but I will idly sit by if he doesn’t want me. If he doesn’t want this anymore I will turn my back and sit on the sidelines like i’ve always done. If he wants to be with Kenma, get married, have kids i’ll step out of the way. He deserve that, I’ve practically ruined his life.  
**Tsukki 5/10/17**  
I know that he’s not coming back, so I’m leaving. I told yamaguchi that I cheated, he wasn’t mad at me, he just cried. I hurt everyone around me, I think I’m just going to leave town.  
**Tsukki 12/7/17**  
It’s christmas time now, I did move, and I suppose I’m happier. Shouyou told me that kuroo was getting married to Kenma and that the wedding is in february. I can’t say it made me happy to hear that, I cried a lot. I left though, I’m not going to the wedding even if I did go I don’t think I could keep it together. I’m happy for him, but I feel lost. I know I can’t go, to see him next to Kenma, In a tux. I’m wishing it were me, but I left. I wonder if kenma knows , what we did, what I did. I suppose it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to tell him. I’m trying to keep everything together, It’s not working.  
**Tsukki 2/17/18**  
Today’s the day he’s getting married, I’m sitting at the bar drinking my life away. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to hear about it, I’m just done.  
**Tsukki 3/20/18**  
I met someone, and I’m happier we’ve been together for 3 months. He knows about kuroo and everything I did, he still loves me. I hardly think about it anymore, I still talk to shouyou on the phone , I also talk to akaashi and bokuto. Other than that I have no connection, and I’m happy.  
**Tsukki 4/20/18**  
The real question is how long is this gonna take? I mean yeah sure this guy, he’s great. He takes care of me, is so nice to me. I honestly believe he loves me, or will love me. I don’t love him, I keep trying to force myself, but you can’t force yourself into love. I learned that, either it’s there or it’s not, I can’t help thinking about kuroo. Even when I’m with Killian I’m not really there, and that hurt’s because all I do is hurt everyone around. I have dreams of kuroo! I’m sleeping in bed next to another guy and I wake up thinking about kuroo. That’s not right, he doesn’t deserve this, he’s super nice.  
**Tsukki 5/6/18**  
Me and Killian Broke up today, he said that he’s tired of me not really being there. I had told him about kuroo when we met, he told me I was still in love with him. Well that wasn’t really much of a surprise. I also heard that Kenma and Kuroo bought a house recently, which is the next thing after marriage, maybe they want kids.  
**Tsukki 5/20/18**  
Big surprising news shouyou has told me today, kuroo and kenma are adopting a baby. That they are so happy to have a baby, That’s apparently why they bought the house. What a surprise, I guess I knew it was coming.


	2. The middle

**Tsukki 6/10/18** My drinking habits have started again, which isn’t a surprise. But it’s worse than it ever has been, sometimes I wake up and i don’t know where I am or who i’m with, I’ve been late to work 4 times in the past month. I wouldn’t be surprised if they fired me.

 **Tsukki 8/24/18** It’s almost my birthday, kuroo and kenma got their little baby girl. Her same is sophia, she looks like kuroo which is almost impossible because she’s adopted. I’ve seen pictures of her on facebook and she’s really pretty. I’m actually happy I left, if I wouldn’t have left me and kuroo probably wouldn’t have stopped, And that wouldn’t be her dad. Or maybe I would’ve been her dad, but I can’t think like that.

 **Tsukki 9/27/18** It’s my birthday, shouyou called and talked to me. Yamaguchi sent a nice text, akaashi made a facebook post. I’m getting better, I stopped drinking again, and I’m going to work , putting money away into savings accounts. I’m trying, I really miss shouyou, He’s having a kid. He already has 3 but he wants 1 more. Him and kageyama they want a big family, interesting kageyama doesn’t seem like the family type but he is. After christmas I’m going back, to see everyone and how they’ve changed. To see my family, I can’t stay away forever. I wonder what will come of this.

 **Tsukki 12/25/18** Christmas by yourself is always interesting. My friends and family mailed presents to me. That I was expecting, but there was this little black box tied with a red ribbon. No name, just my address on the package it came in. I opened it and it was a black ring with a sapphire in the middle. And a card came in the package, it was from kuroo. Saying that he wants me to meet sophia, and how him and kenma are breaking up. How it wasn’t my fault, and how he told kenma before they got married about the cheating. That he’s not asking for anything, he just simply wants to see me again. He talked about how him and kenma were breaking up because they just didn’t fit anymore . And he ended it with “you can’t force love.”

 **Tsukki 1/10/19** It’s hard going back, not because of memories or anything like that. I’m just so used to being on my own now and I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with people babying me. And shouyou running around with 4 kids. How akaashi and bokuto are the closest thing to relationship goals. Or how I’m going to deal with meeting kuroo and 9 month old sophia. And yamaguchi and seeing our old high school that we were in 9 years ago. Jesus 9 years ago, I’m 29 now. The only one without a house, a family, someone to settle down with. I guess I’m really just not ready to be judged. Everyone know’s about the cheating, and I know people are going to think very badly of me. I know it’s my fault, and what I did was wrong. I can’t take away the past, I can only move in the future . I’m just not sure I want to go anymore, but I guess it’s too late for second thoughts since I’m literally on the plane going back.

 **Tsukki 1/10/19** I’ve literally been waiting in the airport for 4 hours, Akiteru is late, not a surprise. I should’ve told him I was getting in at 12 so that way he would’ve been here by 4. Normally people say I’m impatient but I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve just had to wait for Akiteru my whole life, now when anyone makes me wait I wanna punch them. I’m so hungry, and airport food is gross, so here I am waiting. He won’t even answer his phone, I wish I would’ve told shouyou to get me instead. Instead of waiting for shouyou if I were to tell him I’m getting in at 4 he would’ve been here by 3:00 but now instead it’s 8 at night and no Akiteru.

 **Tsukki 1/11/19** (btw this is at like 1am) He finally got me at 9:30, he told me he got caught in traffic, which I slightly don’t believe considering his sex riddled hair. But that’s none of my business, he took me to our parents house . They were so happy to see me, I got hugs and hugs, and my nephew Kade wouldn’t let me go. He is 9 now and he missed me, I can’t lie I missed him too. It’s good to be back with, I texted shouyou telling him I was home now and he didn’t answer. Either he’s asleep or Him and kageyama are up to other activities.

 **Tsukki 1/11/19** Shouyou was calling me at 8 in the morning, I never, ever wake up that early. I swear I almost smashed my phone because it wouldn’t stop ringing. I got up and took a shower and went over to his house. His house is very lively with children ages 3 months to 8 years old running around. It was very nice, shouyou hugged me and wouldn’t let go, no matter how many times I said insults, or was sarcastic he continued on smiling. At the end of the day when I went home, he cried I told him I wasn’t leaving for another 2 weeks. But he balled like a baby. He told me he was gonna throw a party(family safe) and I was gonna see everyone at one time, so that way these next 2 weeks i can just spend time with him. He’s selfish.

 **Tsukki 1/12/19** I went into town today with my mom and shouyou, they wanted to get stuff for the party. It was nice, besides the 3 month old named taylor, he was fussy. And a 6 year old girl that everyone called Queen but i can’t remember what her first name was. I’m a terrible best friend i can’t even remember Shouyou’s kids names.


	3. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The giant mess to a somewhat happy ending.

**Tsukki 1/13/19** Shouyou called and told me Kuroo called asking for my number. I’m not sure what to do with this information.

 **Tsukki 1/13/19** I’m going to have a heart attack, he called and talked to me. Now I’m not one of those people who goes running back the moment a guy is nice. It was just so good to hear his voice, I can’t help but remember how he used to talk to me like that. How at night he used to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. But also with that thought I remember how I was betraying yamaguchi at the time. I’m a terrible person, I still love Kuroo, don’t think I ever fell out of love. I can’t escape him, I want him again. In more than one way but I know that I can’t. How would everyone see me, being with a recently divorced man, that has a child, that I have already cheated with once before . I just don’t know anymore, what I want, who I am. I feel like everyone’s consuming me, Kuroo, Shouyou, my parents, Kenma, Yamaguchi, Sophia. What do I do ?

 **Tsukki 1/14/19** I’m meeting Kuroo for lunch with Sophia, he want’s to talk. I don’t know what we could possibly talk about. He chose Kenma, and I am where I am. Maybe this will give me closure, maybe that’s what I need. It hurt’s, to be here, to see him. I knew it was going to hurt to come back here and face all the bad mistakes i made, but I’m an adult. I had to face this sooner of later, It just hurts.

 **Tsukki 1/14/19** He told me he wants to be together again, I am currently packing my bags. I don’t want to stay longer, I’m going home. Every single time I come back I cause trouble, I just can’t anymore. I’m going to leave a little note for my brother, but honestly here I am running again.

 **Tsukki 1/15/19** I’m back home, I have like 30 missed calls from my mom, brother and Shouyou. They are probably so mad at me. I’m exactly like I was was the first time I left. I’m still a child, I’m running from a man, a man that probably loves me. I’m running from my problems like the mess I am. I’m running from what people think, from my family, from Kuroo. When I met him in high school I never knew it was going to turn out like this. If I would’ve know, maybe it wouldn’t of turned out like this.

 **Tsukki 1/20/19** Kuroo and Shouyou showed up at my doorstep this morning. I got chewed out by Shouyou, he was so angry that I left without saying anything. I didn’t even say goodbye, and he started crying. He became a crying mess on my living room floor, Kuroo helped him up and put him on the couch. Hinata wasn’t good about keeping his emotions in, it was also really sad when he cried. Then all of a sudden i was hit with Kuroo. He was obviously pissed too, but he didn’t scream or cry. He was simply really cold, In the end i told him i loved him but i just needed a second . I told both Kuroo and Shouyou everything, i told them my fears, why I left. By the end I was in a big group hug, then both repeated how much they loved me. They are staying the night and in the morning going back.

**Tsukki 2/25/19** Me and kuroo have been talking, and in 2 months him and Sophia are going to come visit. I might be ready to start again. We are discussing it again, he can’t stay for too long because his work and he can’t take Sophia from Kenma. I understand, I’m just iffy on everything. I don’t think I have been this scared in my life. 

**Tsukki 5/10/19** In October I’m due to move back. I want to teach at the Kurasuno High School, I’m going to move into my own apartment . Kuroo and I are officially back together, we aren’t pushing it. We are going very slow. I love Sophia, she’s so perfect. Honestly, I’ve always hated most children, I don’t really like Shouyou’s bunch. They aren’t the worst, they just all act like shouyou/kageyama mix , and I can’t deal with that for too long. But don’t get me wrong I would do anything for his kid’s, But being around Sophia makes me so happy. Being around her makes me want my own kid. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never really wrote before, so I'm sorry for the mistakes .

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be from tsukki's pov only, And it skips dates. Because i mean who really updates their journal all the time.


End file.
